Indebted.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012 @ 7:54 AM
| 0 notes
I think I owe you a lot of love. It's not the other way around, as I see it. Your eyes don't show any emotion, you're good at that. And I'm weak when it comes to you. That's your power.
Everything that came out of your mouth, I ignored. Then again, that was the early stages of our so-called "relationship" and I didn't want anything to do with a future politician, or whatever the hell it is that you people do after university. I was far too keen on marrying someone who didn't want a normal job. I was too adventurous for my social status.
And then that dream happened. That fucking dream. It was too realistic and it made my mind hold onto something that ungraspable. It was like holding sand in my hands. No matter how hard I try to hold onto it, it just slips away.
Let's try this. Again. From the top.
The unexpected farewell.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012 @ 4:17 AM
| 0 notes
The main reason why I haven't been properly blogging during the past couple of weeks was because of my lovely uncle. He succumbed to a plethora of illnesses and complications brought on by the constant stress and other problems in his young life. He was only 32. And it's the most painful thing I've experienced in my life so far.
He was confined to his bed (his room is right beside mine) since the start of April, and by the start of May, he was rushed to the hospital. I didn't visit him until about a week after his confinement. I expected it to be normal, maybe even a bit cold -- seeing that we didn't get to talk much since the year started. He bawled. He told me everything. Now, I rarely cry but seeing him like that broke me. I always knew him as this strong, unemotional person. In a way, I tried to emulate his ways since childhood.
This uncle of mine never married, then again, he is gay and he loved my grandmother dearly. He treated me, my sister and my cousins as if we're his own. He spoiled us even. Whenever he gets mad, we start trembling. He told me about how I was his first baby and how fond he was of me because I was such a quiet baby and I always stayed in one place.
I won't go into further detail about the things that he talked about during that time since it's a tad bit personal and I'm starting to cry again. Anyway, he passed away May 19th, 2012 at around 7:55AM. It killed a part of me. But then, I realized that in a way, it's better that he passed on rather than he continued to suffer an immense amount of pain. In his own words, he was "already wasting away and having people see this state I'm in will only bring more pain onto me."Nonetheless, we all knew he fought so hard to extend his life even just for a few more hours so he can say farewell to everyone.
He wouldn't want me to continue on mourning, anyway. I'll make sure the next blog post I make will be about something lighter. Until the next one!
Labels: emotions, farewell, life
If you caught one, you can catch another one.
Thursday, May 10, 2012 @ 8:26 AM
| 0 notes
Picture unrelated to my current relationship status. I just feel love in my heart for some stupid reason.
- I'm typing this out as I pray hard to the English tutor gods that I won't have a pop-up student at the last minute. I kinda enjoyed my first "bum" hour and then the next hour as "painful bum". Let the last hour be a blissful bum hour for I smell like a fucking sin and I badly need a ~purifying~ shower. Fucking Manila heat. Even I don't understand what this bullet represents.
- Anyway, the reason why I think I feel love so much recently is because I've been surrounded with people telling me how much they love me. It's such an unfamiliar feeling. I've always been someone who's had more flings than relationships because I cower at the slightest hint of committing to someone romantically. I complain too much about this aspect. If this problem was the same as the others, I'll be doing something about it -- the thing is, I can't seem to find the right opportunity to fix this.
- Why I downloaded the whole Mr. Bean series, I have no idea.
- Ah crap, now I forgot what I was gonna really blog about.
Labels: heart matters, love, work complaints
Tatami Room Love Affair
Monday, May 7, 2012 @ 8:03 AM
| 0 notes
We're all mad here. But it's better if you had a bottle in hand.
- I'm currently in a situation where I'm supposed to want to escape. I find it odd that my mind is pretty calm (albeit, pretty sad and humorless) and is actually anchoring me down from fleeing away from all the shit that I used to avoid when I was younger. Adulthood ftw? I say it's laziness and my constant fear of being deemed useless by the people around me.
- I've just cut off someone. A supposed friend. I used to have only nice things to say about her and I can say for a fact that I defended her through and through. I just didn't expect her to slowly succumb to her so-called "niceness". Hun, being nice =/= being chums with someone that made me feel like I was mentally-damaged for a good 6 months of my life. I know where my loyalty lies and I tried to stick with you and see everything from your angle. But you know, I have to say this: Knowing his secrets won't make him fall in love with you. PS. I know you're just itching to say nasty things about me :) I've exhausted too much emotions. I have too many troubles and you choose to be a total cuntspazz during my darkest hour. So much for being a "real" person. But anyway, case closed.
- Totally craving some cake right now. I was at my great nan's yesterday and I just missed her sooooooo much! I was a godmother to one of my baby cousins. His christening was held yesterday at her house (which is MASSIVE, btw!) and I felt so giddy being around family. There was food everywhere and me and cousins "stole" some of the food for the drunk guests. The maid was very nice and lovely and made sure all of our plates are filled to the brim. Only thing I didn't like about yesterday was the heat! Good grief, Manila. I used to stay over at my great nan's over the weekends back when I was in my freshman year at uni. I might stay with her again over the weekends after my cousin who lives with her gets married on the 26th (Another family affair, woo!!)
- Uni starts on June 4th. Earlier than I expected. It feels weird that I only have a couple of years left. All I know is that I don't want to be "under" someone when I start working after I graduate. For part-time jobs, sure I can deal with bosses. But after I get my degree, I wouldn't want to work for an asshole.
- Also got my tax card today. I'm now "officially" a taxpayer. I wouldn't really get that despite of my current job, but I really need a picture ID that has my birthdate on it. Nice, now I have 2 ~official~ IDs on my wallet that aren't uni IDs haha. Which reminds me, I need to have ID photos taken before the month ends. My reader's card looks so plain without my groggy face on it haha.
- So, what else? Oh right, I have to watch 2 Broke Girls and Misfits because I feel mad hungry and I'm too lazy to get off the top bunk and 2 flights of stairs to grab some food.
Labels: emotions, ex-friends, life, me complaining, uni stuff
Indebted.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012 @ 7:54 AM
| 0 notes
I think I owe you a lot of love. It's not the other way around, as I see it. Your eyes don't show any emotion, you're good at that. And I'm weak when it comes to you. That's your power.
Everything that came out of your mouth, I ignored. Then again, that was the early stages of our so-called "relationship" and I didn't want anything to do with a future politician, or whatever the hell it is that you people do after university. I was far too keen on marrying someone who didn't want a normal job. I was too adventurous for my social status.
And then that dream happened. That fucking dream. It was too realistic and it made my mind hold onto something that ungraspable. It was like holding sand in my hands. No matter how hard I try to hold onto it, it just slips away.
Let's try this. Again. From the top.
The unexpected farewell.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012 @ 4:17 AM
| 0 notes
The main reason why I haven't been properly blogging during the past couple of weeks was because of my lovely uncle. He succumbed to a plethora of illnesses and complications brought on by the constant stress and other problems in his young life. He was only 32. And it's the most painful thing I've experienced in my life so far.
He was confined to his bed (his room is right beside mine) since the start of April, and by the start of May, he was rushed to the hospital. I didn't visit him until about a week after his confinement. I expected it to be normal, maybe even a bit cold -- seeing that we didn't get to talk much since the year started. He bawled. He told me everything. Now, I rarely cry but seeing him like that broke me. I always knew him as this strong, unemotional person. In a way, I tried to emulate his ways since childhood.
This uncle of mine never married, then again, he is gay and he loved my grandmother dearly. He treated me, my sister and my cousins as if we're his own. He spoiled us even. Whenever he gets mad, we start trembling. He told me about how I was his first baby and how fond he was of me because I was such a quiet baby and I always stayed in one place.
I won't go into further detail about the things that he talked about during that time since it's a tad bit personal and I'm starting to cry again. Anyway, he passed away May 19th, 2012 at around 7:55AM. It killed a part of me. But then, I realized that in a way, it's better that he passed on rather than he continued to suffer an immense amount of pain. In his own words, he was "already wasting away and having people see this state I'm in will only bring more pain onto me."Nonetheless, we all knew he fought so hard to extend his life even just for a few more hours so he can say farewell to everyone.
He wouldn't want me to continue on mourning, anyway. I'll make sure the next blog post I make will be about something lighter. Until the next one!
Labels: emotions, farewell, life
If you caught one, you can catch another one.
Thursday, May 10, 2012 @ 8:26 AM
| 0 notes
Picture unrelated to my current relationship status. I just feel love in my heart for some stupid reason.
- I'm typing this out as I pray hard to the English tutor gods that I won't have a pop-up student at the last minute. I kinda enjoyed my first "bum" hour and then the next hour as "painful bum". Let the last hour be a blissful bum hour for I smell like a fucking sin and I badly need a ~purifying~ shower. Fucking Manila heat. Even I don't understand what this bullet represents.
- Anyway, the reason why I think I feel love so much recently is because I've been surrounded with people telling me how much they love me. It's such an unfamiliar feeling. I've always been someone who's had more flings than relationships because I cower at the slightest hint of committing to someone romantically. I complain too much about this aspect. If this problem was the same as the others, I'll be doing something about it -- the thing is, I can't seem to find the right opportunity to fix this.
- Why I downloaded the whole Mr. Bean series, I have no idea.
- Ah crap, now I forgot what I was gonna really blog about.
Labels: heart matters, love, work complaints
Tatami Room Love Affair
Monday, May 7, 2012 @ 8:03 AM
| 0 notes
We're all mad here. But it's better if you had a bottle in hand.
- I'm currently in a situation where I'm supposed to want to escape. I find it odd that my mind is pretty calm (albeit, pretty sad and humorless) and is actually anchoring me down from fleeing away from all the shit that I used to avoid when I was younger. Adulthood ftw? I say it's laziness and my constant fear of being deemed useless by the people around me.
- I've just cut off someone. A supposed friend. I used to have only nice things to say about her and I can say for a fact that I defended her through and through. I just didn't expect her to slowly succumb to her so-called "niceness". Hun, being nice =/= being chums with someone that made me feel like I was mentally-damaged for a good 6 months of my life. I know where my loyalty lies and I tried to stick with you and see everything from your angle. But you know, I have to say this: Knowing his secrets won't make him fall in love with you. PS. I know you're just itching to say nasty things about me :) I've exhausted too much emotions. I have too many troubles and you choose to be a total cuntspazz during my darkest hour. So much for being a "real" person. But anyway, case closed.
- Totally craving some cake right now. I was at my great nan's yesterday and I just missed her sooooooo much! I was a godmother to one of my baby cousins. His christening was held yesterday at her house (which is MASSIVE, btw!) and I felt so giddy being around family. There was food everywhere and me and cousins "stole" some of the food for the drunk guests. The maid was very nice and lovely and made sure all of our plates are filled to the brim. Only thing I didn't like about yesterday was the heat! Good grief, Manila. I used to stay over at my great nan's over the weekends back when I was in my freshman year at uni. I might stay with her again over the weekends after my cousin who lives with her gets married on the 26th (Another family affair, woo!!)
- Uni starts on June 4th. Earlier than I expected. It feels weird that I only have a couple of years left. All I know is that I don't want to be "under" someone when I start working after I graduate. For part-time jobs, sure I can deal with bosses. But after I get my degree, I wouldn't want to work for an asshole.
- Also got my tax card today. I'm now "officially" a taxpayer. I wouldn't really get that despite of my current job, but I really need a picture ID that has my birthdate on it. Nice, now I have 2 ~official~ IDs on my wallet that aren't uni IDs haha. Which reminds me, I need to have ID photos taken before the month ends. My reader's card looks so plain without my groggy face on it haha.
- So, what else? Oh right, I have to watch 2 Broke Girls and Misfits because I feel mad hungry and I'm too lazy to get off the top bunk and 2 flights of stairs to grab some food.
Labels: emotions, ex-friends, life, me complaining, uni stuff
