Friday, October 21, 2011 @ 4:14 AM
| 0 notesAnd she kissed his forehead and lulled him to sleep. She tried to hold back her tears and not tell him any of her troubles. She didn't want him to worry. Then again, she never asked anything from him. She doubted her own feelings for him.
Nobody will care.
Thursday, October 20, 2011 @ 6:02 AM
| 0 notes
And you don't have to know that I cry myself to sleep at night thinking of the consequences. You'll never read this anyway. You never even look twice at me. Sure, it's a bit... obsessive on my part. Because I did change. A lot.
Just. Ugh. Whatever. Let me sink into a hole or something.
Tuesday night and all I want is to smoke.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011 @ 6:56 AM
| 0 notes
Anyway, the earlier words were incoherent, no?
Been listening to Third Eye Blind all night. I've never felt this lonely.
Hey, I need you.
And oh, I need to tag posts properly.
In the midst of breaking laws just to get to school...
So today, my earphones broke. They're expensive and it triggered me to get so fucking pissed at such an early hour. I was running late for school and I had a final exam for PE to attend. I crossed this very, very wide street and I didn't notice that the light for pedestrians wasn't green. I only found out when a police car honked at me. I did something illegal and I didn't care at all. But I did feel guilty about it after I reached school. What if they arrested me?!
I was also looking through the photos of E's graduation on Facebook. I realized that I won't be having a fancy party with 18 roses etc because...
He won't be there to give me my final rose.
I'm being too sentimental about some guy who wouldn't give a shit about me in a million years.
Let me leave this post for a while so I can ponder about my mistakes.
Blinking cursor.
Monday, October 10, 2011 @ 6:06 AM
| 0 notes[fictional # 3] Shot Through The Heart.
Sunday, October 9, 2011 @ 5:35 AM
| 0 notes
---
To celebrate my coming-of-age, I decided to go on a trip. The beach was one of the stupidest and yet, the best places to visit this time of your. The cool winds are starting to take over the country and there weren't a lot of people on that beautiful island down south. You being my companion was just a spur-of-the-moment thing. You graduated a couple of months ago and you have yet to celebrate your so-called freedom. Hiding the fact that I'll be accompanied by a guy from my parents, we left the capital at 5 fucking AM.
I secretly hated you for booking an early flight. But then, my anger lifted when you leaned your head on my shoulder and slept peacefully like a baby. There was something oddly comforting about it that I can't really identify.
We did things separately during our 3-day stay on the island. Nothing special happened. Heck, we even slept on the same bed and we didn't dare touch each other. We just agreed that we were two cheap college kids who refused to pay for an extra bed when we can fit into one and still sleep peacefully.
During our last night, we went out together. It was at the hotel bar and it was so packed with people (which was saying something, since there aren't a lot of people on the island). They had a challenge for the night: Down 17 shots of various mixes and if you're still standing by the end of it, you don't get charged for your stay. Again, you were a total cheapskate. I told you to not push through with the challenge. But noooo, you had to show off.
The 17 shots were poured and placed in front of you. You quickly downed them and by your 8th shot, you were already looking green.
"Hey, I can't finish this." you whispered to me with your arms around my shoulders.
The crowd was already jeering you. Somehow, I felt sorry for you and I had to save you.
"Yo, pour me my own batch of 17 shots. Fuck, make it 20? If I can make it, my friend's tab and mine would be on the house, deal?" I said, trying my best to look cool. The bartender laughed at me.
"What the hell are you thinking, you can't finish 20!" you said, your drunkenness suddenly leaving your body.
"Watch me."
I downed shot after shot. Surprisingly, by the time it was over, I was only a little bit tipsy. The bartender agreed to the deal and we were both happy.
You downed the remaining shots that you left for your challenge. You were too drunk to walk.
I helped you walk up until we reached our room. I even cleaned you up despite the pounding on my head. Before you slept, you hugged me tightly and kissed me.
"I love you. I'm sorry if I can only speak when I'm drunk..."
The hangover didn't hurt when we woke up. But you freaked out and asked me if you confessed while you were drunk. It hurts, thinking that you might never have the courage to say anything while you're sane.
We could be perfectly fucked up together, you know.
---Labels: writing
Please call me in the middle of the night if in case your mind changes.
Saturday, October 8, 2011 @ 7:06 AM
| 0 notes
---
"I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!" I repeated them over and over again, begging you to stay. I don't want it to be another one of those cliches. But then again, we were in love, right? As much as I hate to admit it, I've taken you for granted.
I took a drag from my first cigarette.My head started spinning and then I felt high. You always told me you didn't like smokers. Well, you hate me now if I'm not mistaken. I can now do anything that I want.
Except give you a tight hug.
---
Pretty short. I need to finish some papers. Labels: writing
I'd pluck out stars from heaven just for you.
I'd like to take a rest from things. Sooner or later, this blog will turn into a proper one. I need to abandon LiveJournal.
A fictional story from that pretty, red book.
Friday, October 7, 2011 @ 8:51 AM
| 0 notes
---
I stood there by the cathedral's big doors. Taking a deep breath as that familiar feeling embraced me again. It felt weird, coming to the church on a "normal day".
I looked at the long aisle in the middle and imagined you standing at the altar. In my mind, you were wearing that dark blue suit that you always wore during special occasions. You called it your "lucky" suit and you refused to buy a new one despite the fact that it was getting snug on some places.
Was this cathedral always this big? Because I swear, the last time that we were both here, the place seemed so small. I never liked crowds but you always weaved through them coolly. You would always do anything to attend Sunday mass, even if you're tired from work. I would always rant quietly and tell you that there's a smaller chapel nearby but you always insisted on going to this big cathedral. But then once the mass starts, I'll become quiet and smile secretly. You are... an angel-- most of the time.
I looked at the altar again. Images are still flashing through my mind. But at this rate, I should just ignore them. It gets me too excited. I don't want to get my hopes up.
I felt my chest tighten as I walked in the middle of the aisle. The cathedral was empty and all I had to do was visit the office on the right side of that beautiful altar.
What would it be like to get married in this beautiful church?
Will I cry because I'm happy that I'm finally getting married after more than twenty years of waiting?
Or will I cry because you look so handsome in your suit that I'll barely recognize you?
To be quite honest, I will never be sure. You never talked about things openly. You hid behind your cryptic words and sometimes, you tend to lie to me about your true feelings. It's like you let me in, but you won't even let me touch anything. I never bothered to pry, in fear of losing you.
By the time I reached the end of the altar, I was already on the verge of tears; but I was still holding them in. It would not be wise to talk to the bishop while I'm crying. I don't want the old man to be worried.
I sat outside the waiting benches in front of the main office. There were a couple of people waiting there. Probably some who are there to get the cathedral reserved for baptisms, thanksgiving masses-- or maybe even marriages. There was a young woman sitting beside me. She looked so beautiful and so happy. An envelope was on her lap and she had a faint smile on her face as she carefully skimmed through the documents inside. I guessed that she was getting married as evident on the beautiful ring on her finger.
"Hi! Are you here to reserve the church for your wedding, too?"
"Congratulations." I replied with a smile. "He is a very lucky guy."
"Ah, don't say that. So, are you getting married, too?"
I remembered that image of you standing at the end of the altar and felt my chest tighten again. I had a hard time shaking my head.
"Then what are you here for? Ah, I know! You're gonna have your child baptized here?" she asked again.
I thought it was time to answer truthfully. She might pry further if I don't say anything.
"I'm here to reserve a date for my fiance's requiem mass." I said quietly. I expected tears to start flowing out but the wind started blowing, and I felt a familiar warmth around me.
"Oh. I'm sorry."
She didn't sound sorry at all. She actually sounded as if I insulted her and ruined her happiness. But I didn't care.
The first time we said hello, it was at this cathedral. I'd have to make sure that for our final goodbye, it'll be at a place that's memorable for you.
The image of you in that old suit appeared again. This time, not at the end of the altar, but inside that intricately-designed mahogany casket who's price would've made you mad if you were still here.
I tried so hard to picture you again by the altar.
This is the only time that I wished I could marry and live inside a memory instead.
---
FIN.
Labels: writing
Wordless understanding.
Thursday, October 6, 2011 @ 2:54 AM
| 0 notesAnd there you were, lying on the couch as you quietly contemplate about what we're gonna eat for dinner. You kept throwing out suggestions and I just kept nodding while I lean my head on the couch's arm-rest with a book in my hands. You got a little bit annoyed because you said I wasn't "cooperating" enough and I only answered back with a smile. And then you told me that no matter what happens, you'll only want to eat dinner with me even if it's just salt and water.
--------
The excerpt above was found on one of my random "writing" journals back in high school. It needs improvement. I don't know what I was implying when I wrote it-- but it's just there.
Been so fidgety lately. I think it's because of the Finals week at school. I don't do those "grace under pressure" thingies that some of my seniors are telling me about. I start ricocheting off the walls everytime I get pressured to finish a lot of stuff. Maybe this Saturday we can get video-proof! All i want is for Finals week to be done. My last exam happens on the 19th and holy hell, I have 3 exams for Algebra ALONE. Wish me luck.
Overheard: Me being anxious.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011 @ 4:33 AM
| 0 notes
---------
I've been coughing all day. It's the most fucking annoying thing in the world-- EVER.
The 4th Drink Instinct.
Monday, October 3, 2011 @ 5:33 AM
| 0 notes
Depression is creeping within me and I feel so breathless. Someone sucked out all the oxygen and bits of my soul. I'm beating myself up. Fuck, I might end up being so self-destructive. I haven't eaten properly. Not that I don't want to; my body just shuts down when I get too stressed. I actually thought I was so fucking stress-free until that weird event on Facebook happened.
They're all there. Fate just handed these out to us and now I'm scared shitless. The cyber age only made Fate's mind-games worse. Every night I end up thinking about the things I've seen. Somehow, there is this feeling within me that I can't identify properly. I don't know if this is pure excitement or fear.
My dad told me last time about how I should make lemonade when life gives me lemons. I get what he means, I just don't know what I'd do with the five lemons that hit me hard on the chest. Somehow, I feel violated.
Oh well, paranoia fucks with me every month.
xo. KP
Friday, October 21, 2011 @ 4:14 AM
| 0 notesAnd she kissed his forehead and lulled him to sleep. She tried to hold back her tears and not tell him any of her troubles. She didn't want him to worry. Then again, she never asked anything from him. She doubted her own feelings for him.
Nobody will care.
Thursday, October 20, 2011 @ 6:02 AM
| 0 notes
And you don't have to know that I cry myself to sleep at night thinking of the consequences. You'll never read this anyway. You never even look twice at me. Sure, it's a bit... obsessive on my part. Because I did change. A lot.
Just. Ugh. Whatever. Let me sink into a hole or something.
Tuesday night and all I want is to smoke.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011 @ 6:56 AM
| 0 notes
Anyway, the earlier words were incoherent, no?
Been listening to Third Eye Blind all night. I've never felt this lonely.
Hey, I need you.
And oh, I need to tag posts properly.
In the midst of breaking laws just to get to school...
So today, my earphones broke. They're expensive and it triggered me to get so fucking pissed at such an early hour. I was running late for school and I had a final exam for PE to attend. I crossed this very, very wide street and I didn't notice that the light for pedestrians wasn't green. I only found out when a police car honked at me. I did something illegal and I didn't care at all. But I did feel guilty about it after I reached school. What if they arrested me?!
I was also looking through the photos of E's graduation on Facebook. I realized that I won't be having a fancy party with 18 roses etc because...
He won't be there to give me my final rose.
I'm being too sentimental about some guy who wouldn't give a shit about me in a million years.
Let me leave this post for a while so I can ponder about my mistakes.
Blinking cursor.
Monday, October 10, 2011 @ 6:06 AM
| 0 notes[fictional # 3] Shot Through The Heart.
Sunday, October 9, 2011 @ 5:35 AM
| 0 notes
---
To celebrate my coming-of-age, I decided to go on a trip. The beach was one of the stupidest and yet, the best places to visit this time of your. The cool winds are starting to take over the country and there weren't a lot of people on that beautiful island down south. You being my companion was just a spur-of-the-moment thing. You graduated a couple of months ago and you have yet to celebrate your so-called freedom. Hiding the fact that I'll be accompanied by a guy from my parents, we left the capital at 5 fucking AM.
I secretly hated you for booking an early flight. But then, my anger lifted when you leaned your head on my shoulder and slept peacefully like a baby. There was something oddly comforting about it that I can't really identify.
We did things separately during our 3-day stay on the island. Nothing special happened. Heck, we even slept on the same bed and we didn't dare touch each other. We just agreed that we were two cheap college kids who refused to pay for an extra bed when we can fit into one and still sleep peacefully.
During our last night, we went out together. It was at the hotel bar and it was so packed with people (which was saying something, since there aren't a lot of people on the island). They had a challenge for the night: Down 17 shots of various mixes and if you're still standing by the end of it, you don't get charged for your stay. Again, you were a total cheapskate. I told you to not push through with the challenge. But noooo, you had to show off.
The 17 shots were poured and placed in front of you. You quickly downed them and by your 8th shot, you were already looking green.
"Hey, I can't finish this." you whispered to me with your arms around my shoulders.
The crowd was already jeering you. Somehow, I felt sorry for you and I had to save you.
"Yo, pour me my own batch of 17 shots. Fuck, make it 20? If I can make it, my friend's tab and mine would be on the house, deal?" I said, trying my best to look cool. The bartender laughed at me.
"What the hell are you thinking, you can't finish 20!" you said, your drunkenness suddenly leaving your body.
"Watch me."
I downed shot after shot. Surprisingly, by the time it was over, I was only a little bit tipsy. The bartender agreed to the deal and we were both happy.
You downed the remaining shots that you left for your challenge. You were too drunk to walk.
I helped you walk up until we reached our room. I even cleaned you up despite the pounding on my head. Before you slept, you hugged me tightly and kissed me.
"I love you. I'm sorry if I can only speak when I'm drunk..."
The hangover didn't hurt when we woke up. But you freaked out and asked me if you confessed while you were drunk. It hurts, thinking that you might never have the courage to say anything while you're sane.
We could be perfectly fucked up together, you know.
---Labels: writing
Please call me in the middle of the night if in case your mind changes.
Saturday, October 8, 2011 @ 7:06 AM
| 0 notes
---
"I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!" I repeated them over and over again, begging you to stay. I don't want it to be another one of those cliches. But then again, we were in love, right? As much as I hate to admit it, I've taken you for granted.
I took a drag from my first cigarette.My head started spinning and then I felt high. You always told me you didn't like smokers. Well, you hate me now if I'm not mistaken. I can now do anything that I want.
Except give you a tight hug.
---
Pretty short. I need to finish some papers. Labels: writing
I'd pluck out stars from heaven just for you.
I'd like to take a rest from things. Sooner or later, this blog will turn into a proper one. I need to abandon LiveJournal.
A fictional story from that pretty, red book.
Friday, October 7, 2011 @ 8:51 AM
| 0 notes
---
I stood there by the cathedral's big doors. Taking a deep breath as that familiar feeling embraced me again. It felt weird, coming to the church on a "normal day".
I looked at the long aisle in the middle and imagined you standing at the altar. In my mind, you were wearing that dark blue suit that you always wore during special occasions. You called it your "lucky" suit and you refused to buy a new one despite the fact that it was getting snug on some places.
Was this cathedral always this big? Because I swear, the last time that we were both here, the place seemed so small. I never liked crowds but you always weaved through them coolly. You would always do anything to attend Sunday mass, even if you're tired from work. I would always rant quietly and tell you that there's a smaller chapel nearby but you always insisted on going to this big cathedral. But then once the mass starts, I'll become quiet and smile secretly. You are... an angel-- most of the time.
I looked at the altar again. Images are still flashing through my mind. But at this rate, I should just ignore them. It gets me too excited. I don't want to get my hopes up.
I felt my chest tighten as I walked in the middle of the aisle. The cathedral was empty and all I had to do was visit the office on the right side of that beautiful altar.
What would it be like to get married in this beautiful church?
Will I cry because I'm happy that I'm finally getting married after more than twenty years of waiting?
Or will I cry because you look so handsome in your suit that I'll barely recognize you?
To be quite honest, I will never be sure. You never talked about things openly. You hid behind your cryptic words and sometimes, you tend to lie to me about your true feelings. It's like you let me in, but you won't even let me touch anything. I never bothered to pry, in fear of losing you.
By the time I reached the end of the altar, I was already on the verge of tears; but I was still holding them in. It would not be wise to talk to the bishop while I'm crying. I don't want the old man to be worried.
I sat outside the waiting benches in front of the main office. There were a couple of people waiting there. Probably some who are there to get the cathedral reserved for baptisms, thanksgiving masses-- or maybe even marriages. There was a young woman sitting beside me. She looked so beautiful and so happy. An envelope was on her lap and she had a faint smile on her face as she carefully skimmed through the documents inside. I guessed that she was getting married as evident on the beautiful ring on her finger.
"Hi! Are you here to reserve the church for your wedding, too?"
"Congratulations." I replied with a smile. "He is a very lucky guy."
"Ah, don't say that. So, are you getting married, too?"
I remembered that image of you standing at the end of the altar and felt my chest tighten again. I had a hard time shaking my head.
"Then what are you here for? Ah, I know! You're gonna have your child baptized here?" she asked again.
I thought it was time to answer truthfully. She might pry further if I don't say anything.
"I'm here to reserve a date for my fiance's requiem mass." I said quietly. I expected tears to start flowing out but the wind started blowing, and I felt a familiar warmth around me.
"Oh. I'm sorry."
She didn't sound sorry at all. She actually sounded as if I insulted her and ruined her happiness. But I didn't care.
The first time we said hello, it was at this cathedral. I'd have to make sure that for our final goodbye, it'll be at a place that's memorable for you.
The image of you in that old suit appeared again. This time, not at the end of the altar, but inside that intricately-designed mahogany casket who's price would've made you mad if you were still here.
I tried so hard to picture you again by the altar.
This is the only time that I wished I could marry and live inside a memory instead.
---
FIN.
Labels: writing
Wordless understanding.
Thursday, October 6, 2011 @ 2:54 AM
| 0 notesAnd there you were, lying on the couch as you quietly contemplate about what we're gonna eat for dinner. You kept throwing out suggestions and I just kept nodding while I lean my head on the couch's arm-rest with a book in my hands. You got a little bit annoyed because you said I wasn't "cooperating" enough and I only answered back with a smile. And then you told me that no matter what happens, you'll only want to eat dinner with me even if it's just salt and water.
--------
The excerpt above was found on one of my random "writing" journals back in high school. It needs improvement. I don't know what I was implying when I wrote it-- but it's just there.
Been so fidgety lately. I think it's because of the Finals week at school. I don't do those "grace under pressure" thingies that some of my seniors are telling me about. I start ricocheting off the walls everytime I get pressured to finish a lot of stuff. Maybe this Saturday we can get video-proof! All i want is for Finals week to be done. My last exam happens on the 19th and holy hell, I have 3 exams for Algebra ALONE. Wish me luck.
Overheard: Me being anxious.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011 @ 4:33 AM
| 0 notes
---------
I've been coughing all day. It's the most fucking annoying thing in the world-- EVER.
The 4th Drink Instinct.
Monday, October 3, 2011 @ 5:33 AM
| 0 notes
Depression is creeping within me and I feel so breathless. Someone sucked out all the oxygen and bits of my soul. I'm beating myself up. Fuck, I might end up being so self-destructive. I haven't eaten properly. Not that I don't want to; my body just shuts down when I get too stressed. I actually thought I was so fucking stress-free until that weird event on Facebook happened.
They're all there. Fate just handed these out to us and now I'm scared shitless. The cyber age only made Fate's mind-games worse. Every night I end up thinking about the things I've seen. Somehow, there is this feeling within me that I can't identify properly. I don't know if this is pure excitement or fear.
My dad told me last time about how I should make lemonade when life gives me lemons. I get what he means, I just don't know what I'd do with the five lemons that hit me hard on the chest. Somehow, I feel violated.
Oh well, paranoia fucks with me every month.
xo. KP
